Jooly 15. THERE'S BEARDS EVERYWHERE! Oh mah dog Ah is SURROUNDID. Mum an TMTML brought home another bearded one!! Ah dusnt know what to think! He's white like beardy, an with a funnee aksent like Little Squeaker. Onlee she dusnt understand hin either. He looks a bit like a teddybear. An MUM MADE ME SLEEP WITH HIM. An oh mah dog he cried. Now, Ah like mah sleep, an Ah dont get much with Little Squeaker around, so Ah had to tell him to pipe down. So Ah sat on him. That soon made him all quiet. Beardy loves him, but then Beardy's always been odd.
Joone 23. Mah Holidog Venchoors Chapty 2.
Breakfastimes was the next citin development. Ah has never eated in so mucj companee! There was doggies EVERYWHERE! Ah had plenty of time to eat mah breakfastime without squeakin or mucky beards. Ah got to go into the big Gardin an do more zoomies. Ah discovered somethn MAZIN. If Ah stand in the corner AH COULD SEE HER NEXT DOORS GARDIN!! Ah decided then that Ah would make a tunnel so Ah could go see Beardy. Ah got distraktid an played with the doggies, onlee they dusnt play like me an Beardy, so AH WON. It was zaustin with so many!
Joone 23. Mah holidog Venchoors. Chapty 1.
Well today Ah went to stay at mah Anty Sue's. She's super. Ah wasnt impressed that Mum an TMTML was goin away without me, but Ah was very nice and kissed Mum on the nose. Then Ah went to meet all the other ones with long ears. Oh Mah Dog there was ever so many! We did a lot of zoomies an lots of sniffin. But Ah tell yoo, there is places that noses isnt meant to go! Ah was allowed to stay in Anty Sue's kitchin with a little one. So Ah gots on the sofa an made mahself comfee. There's lots of nice smells at Anty Sue's. Ah spent the evenin doin contemplashuns so Ah can go be trepid in the mornin.
Joone 22. AH'S BACK FROM MAH HOLIDOGS! Oh mah dog Ah had a mazin time stayin at mah Anty Sue's. Beardy an Squeaker stayed at Him an Her Next Doors, but Ah gots to go an stay with the other ones with long ears. Now Ah'm not sayin that Ah dusnt get the best seat at home, but Ah had a WHOLE sofa to mahself. An there was NO SQUEAKIN. Oh mah ears needed a rest from all the squeakin. Ah did so much splorin an ninvestigashuns and had lots of trepid venchoors. Ah'll have to tell them all one by one. Right now Ah's zausted from tellin them all to Beardy an Squeaker. Oh but tis nice to have Mum an TMTML back agen, even if they smells all funny an looks dirty coloured! If Ah was that colour they'd plonk me in a baff! Tis rood.
Joone 09. Now. Tis Mum's woofday. Ah bets there'll be cheese for teatimes. There's lots of presints lying around. Ah like presints. An Ah KNOW she's comin home from the monkee place super soon, so Ah'd better go an wake up Beardy so we can be super esited to see her. Little Squeaker is always esited, an she never knows why. Ah think those silly eyebrows os weighin down her brain. But anyways. Ah wants to say Happy Woofday to mah Mum coz she's pawsome amd Ah loves her more than chikin. Even when Ah is grumpee.
Mays 12, We'll Ah'm OUTRAJED. There Ah was, mindin me own business, an suddenly AH GOT WET. Beardy shook his beard ALL OVER ME. Well if Ah wanted a shower, Ah'd have stood in the wetstuffs. In protest Ah went out splorin. Ah hads been trepid for a whole 10 minutes, then Mum came outside an pulled me back through the gap in the fence that Ah was splorin. Twasn't fair! Ah was bein very trepid an Ah almost caught a pesky pigin. Me an Beardy want a pet pigin. Ah dont see why Ah can't catch one
Mays 08. Oh Ah has been busy with elekshuning. An Ah has puts togther a pawsome Ministeerial Wardrobe for Adm Percy Fitzwallace. Now ah'm ZAUSTED. So Ah'm gonna go do comtemplashuns on how hard tis to be a politikally active Pup.
Here is the full wardrobe for the Schnauzer NOMNOM Party.
PupMinister: Adm Percy Fitzwallace
Minister for Biskits and Beaches: Willow TC
Minister for Schmoozin an Spin: Steve SchnauzerBlach
Minister for Legal Stuffs: Minshi Pup
Minister for Controlled Esploshuns: Romanii Ro
Minister for Scrambly Eggses an controllin of Steves: Scampy Schnauzer
Poster Boy: Huzzah.
Minister for Woofin: Lottie.
Minister for Wabbits: Candy
Minister for Ball Chasin: Darcy Jarvis
Minister for Aksents: Chester Jarvis
Minister for Girl Pup Ekwality: Darby Doo
Minister for Sticks: Jock
Forin Minister: Moritz Schnauzer.
Minister For Peece: Trudy
Minister for the bannin of baffs: Colin Schnauzer-Dog
Home Sekritary: Hamish
Minister for Hoomun Controls: Ermintrude
Minister for Communikashuns: Wilf
Minister for Transport: Hugo 'Kevin' Watkins
Minister for Defences: Mungo
Chancellor of Checkers: Pebbles Johnston-Greig
Minister for Disabilities: Tilly Tripod Grocott
Minister for Screaming: Pearl
Minister for Silly Walks: Walter
Minister for Carryins on: Lichstone Diesel.
Minister for Investigashuns: Sherlockie Holmes
Minister for Not Gettin Wet: Archie Callender.
Ministers for Sussex Relashuns: Kimble an Ellie
Woofer of the House: Mickey Cunningham.
Mays 07. So Mum an TMTML has been to vote. Parentlee doggies can't vote. Well ah says that's piffle. Ah think that we needs to has elekshuns for doggies an then Ah bets there'll be biskits for all. So Ah has got mah doggiefesto.
1) BISKITS for all doggies.
2) Baffs are banned.
3) Scrambly eggs is compulsory for teatimes.
4) Doggies must be completely zoneraytid from all esploshuns without proof.
5) Baffs really are banned.
6) Lugpluckins is a once a year event.
7) Mornin after Wobbly Leg Joos Woofins are encouraged.
8) Walks in the rain is banned.
9) Food tastin for ALL foods.
10) Nenemies must be regulaytid.
Mays 04. Well posse has beens a tirin weekyend. We has done so much trepid stuffs that Ah'm esausted. We has had Mum an TMTML home for three whole days. An we wents to the SEASIDE. Now, Ah doesn't like the sea coz it chases me. So we sats on the cliff in Him Next Doors box on wheels. An That Small Person came, with The Even Smaller One and That Loud One That Comes Too. Ah does like them, coz That Small Person is head height for trepid cake hunters. An The Even Smaller One is up an standin now, an is super good at droppin biskits. Oh Ah was stuffed. Beardy was doin his famous tellybox dog bit an went off to meet peoples. Ah didn want him to get all fat so Ah ate his biskit for him. Then yestyday we went to Them Down The Road for dinner. An we sat in a glass room where Ah could see the tweetybirds. An ah shouted! Ah'm gonna catch one one day. Ah want a pigin as a pet for me an Beardy. Today we went walkin with Mum an TMTML. Beardy an Squeaker went OFFTHELEAD. They were super good at doin zoomies an came back to Mum lots. Ah was very trepid on mah lead. Ah'm ESAUSTED after that, an Mum has wobbly leg joos, an TMTML is making wobbly leg joos pie. This cant end well.
Ayprils 28. Well Ah heard today that me an Beardy's pal WoodyTheWoof has been to see the Vetman today. Parentlee he's comin out lookin like a diffrunt dog. Ah think he looks funnee coz he looks like a shaved version of Beardy after he's rolled in muckystuffs. Mibbes he needs to see our vetman and vetlady. They gives us treats an says we is lovely pups. Mum says they dusn know us very well,but Ah say they is very diserning an knows kwalitie when they sees it. Escept for Beardy. Ah think they say that bout him coz they has to. Mum says the vetman hurts when she goes to see him, parentlee the plasticy thing she gives him is painful - but she's not the one having the unwoofable up her bottom!! Anyways, WoodyTheWoof is bein all brave, an Ah sends him ma biskit if it'll help.
Ayprils 24. Ah's been brave an trepid latelee. Ah's been showin Squeaker what to do in the gardin. She's gettin the hang of not sittin on mah step. Mibbes coz ah pushed her off. Twice. Then there was the splodin bin insident. Mum went out to meet TMTML an while they were out the bin just ESPLODED. Ah kepts Squeaker safe from eatin crapfrombin an coz she was so determined to eat it, an had to eat it all. Takes a trepid doggie to eat ALL crapfrombin. An ah washed it down with mah tea. And some of Beardy's tea. An some of Mum's tea. An some crapfromground. So ah'm stuffed. But TMTML has a cookie and Ah want it. Mibbes if Ah sneak up on him on the sofa an distrakt him ah can steal it.
Ayprils 23. Takes a deep breath Posse. Ah'm on dootie as DIETDOG. Ah just know this isn't goin to end well.
Ayprils 22. Well now. It's been a very tirin day. There's been some esploshuns an Ah was super brave an checked everythin was safe. Then Ah made very sure that Mum's shooes weren't going to esplode, but Ah ft it was best to takes them outside jus in case. Then it looked like the socks might splode too, so out they went. An Ah onlee took the kitchen roll coz by the time Ah got the toylit paper down the stairs it had run out. Ah was onlee bein helpful. Not sure that Squeaker understands bein helpful, she's silly an kept fallin over her feet. Beardy didn understand the gravitee of the situashun an went back to sleep.
Ayprils 21. POSSE! There has been AKUZAYSHUNS an USPERSHUNS. Ah was simply doin some esplorin, an it ESPLODED. Ah knew what Ah had to do. Ah selflessly saved Beardy an That Little Squeaker, an the spreaded the splodin stuff just to be sure it was safe. An just coz Ah had somes in mah mouth - Ah was makin sure it wasn poisinus for Squeaker. Ah think Ah needs legal representayshun
Ayprils 10. Well its been a super quiet day today. Beardy's been borin, he just sat an nibbled on a chew. That Little Squeaker squeaked a lot, an ran round an round an round till she forgotted where the bowl of water was an she fell in it! Oh mah dog ah laffed. Beardy looked all suprised, an then she shook ALL over Beardy. He wasn happee an he wents off in a grump in the baskit. Then Mum came home an he ran at her. Onlee he fell down the kitchen step, an banged his nose! Mah dog ah laffed and laffed. Mibbes ah should have laffed less an looked where ah was goin...ah walked into the doggiegate. Mum laffed. Ah fink that was mean. Ah didn do it to be funnee.
Ayprils 09. Well Ah tell yoo, Ah dont gets no peece in this house. That Little Squeaker is like mah shadow. Ah has been mazinlee payshunt, an showed her how to go do wees outside instead of under the table, an how to eat without throwin it all over the floor, an oh mag dog she's slow on the uptake. Even Beardy gots it quicker than her. An then Ah decided to go sits on mah step in the sun....AN SHE FOLLERED ME. All ah wanted was to sits, but no. She hads to come. Was piffle. Is all quiet now, but oh mah dog Ah'm tired.
Ayprils 08. Well now. Ah tells yoo Ah'm not impressed. TMTML came home at wobbly leg joos 'o clock an he brought That One That Beardy Shouts At home too! An HE'S SLEEPIN ON MAH SOFA. Where am Ah gonna sit after breakfastimes?! Ah'm not sittin on the floor. Beardy knew it was him, even through his eyebrows, am oh mah dog he shouted. Ah hads to cover That Little Squeakers ears, coz Beardy used some rood words. Ah dusnt blame him. Mum had some gins an sonics, but we still did bedtimes at a normal time. An yoo knows posse that a few gins and sonics is okay. But TMTML had so much wobbly legs joos that Ah's suprised his legses are still on! Now Ah know it's his woofday an all, but oh Ah'm gonna bounce on him. Mostly coz he came in SUPER late an that's just not on. It's gonna teach That Little Squeaker bad habitses. And a little bit coz Ah KNOW that he'll have kept Mum up. And she'll be all tired.
Ayprils 01. Well. Ah dusn know WHAT to think. That Little Squeaker that lives here now is ZAUSTIN. She dusn stop movin or squeakin. An she steals mah chew. An mah cushin. An mah food. She's dead funnee when she falls over or trips up the stairs. But she's sleepin in mah bed with me an Beardy. Ah know its a big bed, but she's a WIGGLER. She's kinda cute an all, buts dus she have to be so wiggly? It's just so zaustin. She's sleepin now, but ah know it wont last.
March 31. OH. MAH. DOG. THERE'S A SMALL ONE IN MAH HOUSE!!!! AN ITS A GIRLY!! Well ah dusnt know what to think. Ah figured there was sumthin goin on, coz Mum an TMTML has been all secretive an sneakin, an the we was put to bed early for NO REASON. Then at super silly o'clock (even earlier than silly show o'clock) Mum came downstairs and went away in the wheely machine. She was gone aaaaaaages. It was light before she got back. Even TMTML was up! An she cames in with her arms full of black fluff. Onlee it turned out to be a GIRLY. Beardy was super escited and chased her everywhere. Ah gived her a sniff over, am saw she was like Beardy, jus black an small. An she has a funnee aksent. Ah dusnt understand her. But oh mah dog she's always runnin about!! She's gonna be trubbles ah think.
March 27. BEETRAYUL! He dunked me in the wetstuffs!! An Mum took pichoors! She says its coz ah'm a honker. Am not a honker. Ah smell all lovlee an like foxypoo. Ah has been workin on that smell ALL DAY. Ah fink ah needs pupline. Or a gravybone.
March 27. Hahahaha Beardy had a baaaaaaff! Ah stayed downstairs an nibbled on me chew. He looks all sillynwhen he's all wet an covered in bubbles. Ah dusn need a baff, ah'm gonna schnuggle with TMTML. He says we're even gonna go upstairs an everythin. Beardy is smirkin in the corner, he says ah'm gonna go un the wetstuffs, but TMTML wouldn't do that to me. Mum would. But he wouldn. Would he?
March 25. Well ah is all piffled. Mum came home LATE an grumpee from work. Sumfin bouts sirkus an monkees. Ah think she's havin a piffley week. Beardy was shoutin an schnuggling an kissin to makes her smile, me, ah ran outside, shouted at the tweety birds, chased that pesky tail an bounded up the steps. Probably wud have been better if ah hadn tried to do all that at wunce. Ah dont think Beardy shud have LAFFED. Ah dont laff at him, much. An onlee when he deserves it. Mum hads a little giggle, buts made it up to me with a cuddle.
March 23. Well me an Beardy hads fun at Him an Her Next Door's at the weekyend. We ran round an round an round. Ah shouted at Him Next Door coz he was makin all sorts of noises an mess with the outdoor orange noise. Ah did some trepid patrollin to make sure non of those pesky nenemies had got in. Then ah lay in the sun an woofed at the tweety birds. Ah made Beardy chase me, an he runned me over! So ah had a thought...ah made him chase me down the little hillybit, an he was goin super fast. So ah stopped an lay down. He felled right over me AN INTO THE WETSTUFFS!! It was so funnee!! He came up all wets an covered in stuff! Oh ah laffed an laffed. Then mum said ah hads to travel home with him....and he was a HONKER.
March 16. Well Ah has been super quiet on the facebookie front coz Ah has been so busy supportin Beardy an Mum. But now Ah is BACK posse. An oh mah dog Ah has been trepid splorin. Ah took Mum an Beardy for a LONG walk an chased tweety birds. Then Ah slipped off mah collar an went esplorin by the wet stuff. Ah was deep in esplorashuns when Mum grabbed me an dragged me home fir a BAFF!!! Piffle.
March 09. Ah'm super proud of man big brother... he gots on the tellybox with the Baldy Lady... AND he behaved himself. Was mazin!!
Febrooaries 21. There"s lots of sadness on faciebook tonight. Mum is schnugglin Beardy close an makin his head all wet. Beardy's huggin her back an Ah'm restin mah head on her shoulder an tellin her Ah love her. Anty Julie, we loves you an Buzz too, an if he wants to go lead the posse at Rainbow Bridge then they'll look after him. An if he wants to stay here an keep an eye on us lit then we likes that too. He'll tell yoo what he wants Anty Julie, an you has been theb bestest Mum ever to him. Woofin big hugs to Buzz an yoo xxx
Febrooaries 08. Well oh mah dog. Firstlee Her Next Door tooks Beardy to the owner of the BIG ONES, an came home without him! An ah was left on mah lonesome, but TMTML cames home for lunch an gave me cuddles. An treats. Then Mum came home all late and smellin like doggies. But she brought Beardy home, onlee he was all super esited an squeaky. Then Mum came in with That Big One Mum Likes Kaegendog! Ah hasnt seen her in AGES!! An she's never come to mah house before! Oh ah was so esited! She's super big, with a megabig beard. Beardy's runnin round all sited an squraky coz parentlee she smells nice. Mum's told him he'll have a smacked bottoms if he dusnt stop squeakin. Oh ah likes That Big One That Mum Likes Kaegendog. Ah've gived her Mr Giraffey to cuddles.
Febrooaries 06. Well now. There's gonna be rukshuns in mah house ah fink. Mum cames downstairs wearin a red top an TMTML laffed. While she was upstairs he put a big flag with a red cross on the wall. Then Mum puts the flag with the big red dragon over it. Then Mum says TMTML is gonna have to wear a daffydowndillyhat when Wales win. An he says that she's gonna have to wear the silly flag if Engyland wins. Me an Beardy arent takin sides....escept Beardy's wearin red, do Ah suspects he's with Mum. Ah fink Ah'll have to woof for Wales coz Ah likes red. An Ah'm a welsh doggy. Poor TMTL, he's outnumbered!
Febrooaries 03. Oh. Mah. Dog. Sumfin suspishus haapened on Sataday, we wents to this new place... an Mum an TMTML was there aaaaages. There was no furnyture, an they was dioin somethin with the paper on the walls. An Ah heard somethin bouts where a baskit would go. An stuff bouts how to makes a gardin "Ro-proof". An That One Ah Shouts At,that's relayted to TMTML was there, sayin sumfin bouts walls an strippins. So theres sumfin suspishus goin on. TMTML keeps goin off an comin back smellin like that place. Ah'll have to do sum contemplashuns. Ah hads a good giggle on Sunday. Beardy hads his bum shaved! An he was tryin to woof at the postieman while Mum was shavin his unwoofables. Twasn his bestest idea! Ah fink he looks all silly.
Febrooaries 02. Phew its been a tirin mornin already. Beardy was shoutin at all the noises in the night, am kept wakin me an Mum an TMTML up. Oh ah wasn happee. Yoo cants be THIS cute without a proper sleep. So when we gots up at silly o clock with Mum ah figured that Beardy needs a lesson. As soon as we went out for wees, ah tripped him up the steps an he banged his bottom! An it was on the cold bits an he's got a bare bum!! Oh ah laffed. Then we cames in, an ah made him chase me to warm up, onlee ah got out the way an he slid into the fridge! Even Mum had a little giggle. He looked so shocked as he slid! It was pawsome. An when Mum wents upstairs to the indoor wetstuffs, ah stealeded a pakit of malteasers (ah KNEW she wudn make it all the way to feb with no chocklit!) off the table an hid it with Beardy! If he gots caught, he'd be in trubble,an if he didnt, oh mah dog ah LOVE malteasers. An he's too stoopid to open the pakit. Cept he gots caught. An Mum blamed ME! Parently sumfin bout "preveus" and the fact ah've got it. Ah wonder where ah keeps it? Anyways, now is just me an Beardy in the house. Ah wonder what mischifs ah can get up to an blame it on Beardy?
Febrooaries 01. Ah has been nominayted to tell yoo seven things yoo dont knows about me.
1. Ah absolultely HATES the paper doggy on the provident advert an ah shouts at it every time it comes on.
2. Ah do wees in the house in protest of Mum an TMTMLs havin private time upstairs without me in the mornin.
3. Ah start fights with Beardy that Ah cant finish, an he pins me down.
4. Ah sneak upstairs every chance ah get an hide under the bed coz ah think it's funny to hear Mum yellin for me outside.
5. Ah sneak packets of food off the table, eat them all an then give the packets to Beardy so he gets caught with the evidence.
6. Ah snore so loudly that Mum cant hear the TV an has to turn it up.
7. Ah set mah tail on fire with the gas fire thingy an then waved it like a flag an tried to set Beardy on fire too...the day before a show.
Ah nominate any of the posse that hasnt done it yet.
Janyooaries 28. Well ah hasn't been on any more trepid splorins, Mum wont let me out of her sight. Is kind of piffle. Ah cants be trepid if ah cant go off splorin. Am gonna have to figure out a way of doin sum splorin. Mibbes if Beardy says he needs a wee, ah can go sneakin out an splore. There's somethin over the flat bit that NEEDS splorin. Think ah might stay on Mums lap an do some contemplashuns an gets a plan.
Janyooaries 26. Oh. Mah. Dog. There's sumfin strange goin on. Ah went into mah gardin to do wees, an AH FOUND A HOLE. Ot was a bit hole. We gots a big fence all rounds tbe gardin to keep me an Beardy safe, an someone tooks part of it down!!! An you can gets across the roof next door! So ah was brave am trepid an went esplorin!! Then Mum rang the pleesmen. He came out an hads a look. Mum told him ah was brave an trepid hunter-splorer. He gave me chin scritches an sed that ah was mega trepid, but ah should leave this kind of splorin to big pleesdogs coz they is prowoofinals. But now I gots to cheer Mum up coz she dusnt want us pinched. But ah told her that no-ones gonna pinch Beardy, he's too noisy!!
Janyooaries 25. Well todays didnt go to plans! We wents to the show an Beardy went an gots him a fifth (silly judgey didn see he was pawsome). The Mum an That Big One Mum Loves went in an won, and then Mum had a PUPPYONE!! An she was oh so mazin. She won a reallee BIG ribbonything, an it was her firstest EVER show. When she's big she's gonna have a BIG beardy too. Ah likes her. Then we was all set for me to go in an strut mah stuffs. But poor Mum, her back went all funnee an ah decidid that ah would be a good boy an take her home. Ah can always go get another ribbonything. Ah loves mah Mum ah do.
Janyooaries 24. Well now. Ah had a bath. Piffle. But I runned away halfway through bein ttacked by the noisy hot air machine an rubbed mah ears all over the sofa. But ah saw Mum doin the showbag, so ah finks we're off to win ribbonythings in the mornin!! So that's not piffle. But ah do wonder WHY we has to have so many baths to won ribbonythings. Ah see no reasons for all this squeakyclean stuffs, but Mum seems to think its all needed. An Beardy dusn think AT ALL so I is not likelee to get out of it! Mibbes ah need to call pupline?
Janyooaries 22. Oh. Mah. Dog. Ah has been doin so much trepid stuffs. Ah chased a tweety bird an almost won! Ah would have done of ah hadn been on mah lead. Beardy has to wear a silly halti-thing now, an it makes me laff. Am ah went trepidly splorin through some puddles with Them Down The Road, an oh mah dog ah came back all muddee an happee. Beardy was ALL black an ended up in the sink! Oh it was funnee.
Janyooaries 16. Oh. Mah. Dog. AH HAD BACON! Mum was cookin, an she gaves me an Beardy some! Oh ah love Bacon. An ah even shared it with Beardy. We tried gettin some chikin, but it all went in the teatimes. Mibbes we can has some when TMTML does teatimes tonite.
Janyooaries 15. Tis piffle. That's what tis. Piffle. Is all windy an wet at home. An she STILL mades me go outsides an do wees. Would she come out an stand with me? Oh no. SHE gets to stay in the warm. If ah had unwoofables I'd have freezed them off. An she mades me have WET FEET. Piffle. Tee hee hee. Ah heard Mum say Beardy's gonna have some brushins! An ah bet he'll get his lugoles plucked! Tee hee hee!!
Janyooaries 12. Well tis almost backs to normal here. Mum is walkin round agens, but oh mah dog she looks funnee. All slow an stiffs. Beardy is creepin round, lookin all worried like someone's stolen his bone. (Wasn me). He's all worried bout Mum. TMTML has been lookin worried too, it makes his face all funny. Ah isn't worried, coz AH'M lookin after her. When ah'm not chasin tweety birds or shoutin at the wind. She's gone to workie today, but ah fink she should have stayed home an had cuddles.
Janyooaries 10., MAH BIRFDAY. Well I has had a mazin day. Ah gots spoilt with SCRAMBLY EGG an ham an cheese. An I gots to spend the day lookin after Mum IN HER BED! And we is NEVER allowed to go to bed with Mum. Oh mah dog her bed is comfee. An ah had lots of messages from all mah friends. I is one hapee hound.
Janyooaries 07. Oh mah dog theres gonna be ruckshuns in mah house. Firstlee Mum's only gone an put Mr Girraffey in the washymachine. AN MADES IT SPIN. Secondlee she dragged us out for walkins without TMTMl. Unbelievable. I likes walkin him. Thirdlee she dragged us out in our allinones. In the daylite. Peoples coulds see!! An ah fink ah heard a colliedog laff. An then, AN THEN,mah allinone LET IN WATER!! So ah gots wet anyways. Ah believe it comes under the headin of piffle. Mum says it's coz I is now a skinny willick. She hads to roll up mah sleeves an everythin. Mibbes now it's too big for me I haven gots to wear it any more?
Janyooaries 06. Well it's been zaustin today. Mum an TMTML has gone back to workie, an me an Beardy are on a grumpy pants strike. We dusnt like this up at silly O'clock nonsense. Bed is comfee an warm, an then DINGALINGALING. Just coz Mum is all bright an breezy an up, dusn mean we has to be. But the good noos abouts the ecksersizin an dietything - we gots lots more walks! AN SHE LET ME FINISH OFF THE MINI CHEDDARS! Oh ah was happy. But ah fink ah'm gonna walk mah legs off if they dusnt stop walkin me up big hills!! Is zaustin when you're not as bouncy as Beardy.
Janyooaries 4. Well me an Beardy had the bestest day. We both gots ribbonythings! An they was both lellow! Oh it was mazin. It's been aaaaaaaaaaages since we went in the ring, coz we had kennelly coff an then it was Chissmass.
Now, as we know from Steve, BB is goin on her dietything tomorrow. Well Mum an TMTML are also goin on diety an eksersizing thingys. Parentlee Mum is doin a butt challenge. This could be hilarius for a pup. So hoo finks that Mum will last any longer than BB?!
Janyooaries 03. I has been put in the nawty corner today posse. An I wasn THAT bad. Mum an TMTML is talkin bout Noo Ears Doggylushuns an they says that they is gonna be really good an not eats choklit, biskits an cheese, an do lots of exysize. Mum says she's gonna be skinny by the time Beardy goes to his big show. Ah almost fells off the sofa laffin. But anyways, ah was bein helpful pup, an there was malteasers on the tables. Now ah know that Mum an TMTML has no willpower with choklit, so ah took it away from them. Ah was disposin of the evidence when Mum came to steal one! So instead of tellin me that ah was bein helpful pup, she tolds me off! An to adds insults to injurees, SHE MADES ME SICK! Oh it was mean. Am not talkin to her nows.
Janyooaries 1. Oh. Mah. Dog. Wowzers I is stuffed. Them Down The Road were mazin to stay with. We gots to do sleepins on the sofa, onlee I liked Him Down The Road's chair, so I mades him sit somewhere else an slept on his chair instead! They had a speshul cupboard full of biskits for me an Beardy. We went on TWO walks an we stayed uo super late. Then Mum an TMTML came to picks us up. Oh they did not looks so good. Ah fink there was wobbly leg joos volved, coz they was not realee standin up so well and looked funee. We is all home now, an me an Beardy are lookin after thems. They needs it!
Decembers 31. So tis noo ears. Parently that mean Mum, TMTML, Him an Her Next Door are all havin lots an lots of wobbly leg joos. Me an Beardy are havin a little holidog with Them Down The Road. THAT MEANS NUMMY TREATS! Oh mah dog I'm cited. Bet Mum an TMTML has poorly heads tomorrow!
Decembers 31. Ohhhh I has been brave a trepid. I went nenemy huntin!! AN I GOTS IT! I grabbeded it an gave it a shakin for comin in mah gardin. Him Next Door came an gots me while I was tellin it off, but Her Next Door gave me a gravee bone. She dusnt like nenemies. I was super tired afterwards an did some sleepins. Beardy didn help, coz it was wet an he was stayin indoors. He's not as trepid as me.
Decembers 31. Well I has been super quiets for aaaaaaages. But there is reasons! We went over to Her an Him Next Doors for chissmass. An it was mazin. There was lots of smells an Her Next Door kept sneakin me sausages! Mum an TMTML were eatin an drinkin an me an Beardy did lots of playin. Then on Chissmass Day we had PRESENTS! Santa Paws came, an he gave loads to Mum an TMTML AN he gave stuffs to Him an Her Next Door. I dusn know why coz Him Next Door was sneaky an stealeded mince pies!! I saw him! But I didn tell. I is not telltale pup. We hads presents from Mum an TMTML too, so we gots bones to chew and nummy treats. An an an dinners we had TURKEE! AN BACONS AN PORK AN GRAVEE. Oh mah dog it was mazin. An we wents to Them Down The Road an had more treats an turkees an stuffs!! Oh mah dog I was stuffed! I slept like a pup after that much foods!
Decembers 24. Well posse, is chissmass eve an me an Beardy are snuggled up with Mum, TMTML, Him an Her Next door. There's so many presents under the twee, an lots of pretty lights. Tomorrows gonna be mazin. So has the woofiest of chissmasses, an I hope Santa Paws brings you lots an lots of stuffs. We loves you all!
Decembers 24. It's all abouts to get super piffle. Yes, is chissmas eve, an there's loads of goodies. Yes, we is goin to Him an Her Next Doors, an I gets treats. Yes, we is gonna go see Them Down The Road an there'll be more treats. Am yes, we dus gets lie ins with Mum an TMTML, but I distinklee heard the BAFF word. An I dusnt fink she meant we wasnt havin one coz it's chissmass. PIFFLE.
Decembers 23. Chissmas pupdate.
Well posse I has gots another chance at the twee. I has been doin contemplashuns on the sofa an I has come to the conclushuns that mibbes I is goin for the wrong twee. There's a twee in Him an Her Next Doors, AN one in Them Down The Roads house, where TMTML comes from. Mibbes they'll be easier. Mum is too quickquick. An That Small Person is comin for chissmas, so ah finks I may be ables to sneaky blame it on him. An if I dus it AFTER he arrives, Santa Paws will still comes.
But I has got the bestest news. Both Mum an TMTML are home for chissmass. FOR A HOLE WEEK AN A HALF! Oh its gonna be mazin. Finalee we can sleeps past silly o clock in the mornin, an dusn have to waked up by Mum goin to workie. Is mazin.
Decembers 19. Mum says I is a lummoxing hound agen. I dids some sneaky pooin behinds the sofa in atemps to distract her so I could go on a sneak attack on the twee. Thing is, I didns realise she is poorly bad with her back agen. I didn mean to be nawty bad. TMTML found the sneaky pooin, but Mum cleaneded it ups an called me names. Parently I is the fantom poo-er of old brecon town. Ah finks I'd best do tactikul retreats an contemplashuns on the sofa for the rest of tonight.
Decembers 18. Well I has had three attempts at redekoratin the twee. Am havin to be very trepid an do it coz Mum dusn wants it redekorated. There's some lovlee sparklee balls near the bottoms, an I really fink that they needs to be even lower down. Firstly I wents for the pink one. I wents straight up to the twee and batted it with my nose. Mum stopped me though, which ah fink was mean. I was tryin to help. Then I went for a blue one. I walked round an round an round looking at it, an as soon as Mum wasn lookin I wents straight for its. I managed to workd it towards the end of the branch, an Mum stopped me agen! So I did tacticul retreats to the sofa an did some thinkin. As soon as Beardy gots cornered to have brushin I did some sneakin towards the twee. Everytime Mum looked up I looked at the tellybox an woofed. She was super fooled. I gots all the way to the twee, an TMTML saw me. So he stopped me too. Whats a trepid hunter-splorer gotta do to gets a sparklee ball?
Decembers 16. Chissmass pupdate.
Me an Beardy has been super busy lately helpin Mum and TMTML makes it all chissmassy in our house. We decided to let them go off with Him an Her Next Door to buy a twee. I had to sit Beardy down an esplain that indoor twees are NOT for weein on. Then oh mah dog they came home with one. Now, I dusnt know many measureythings, but ah fink that TMTML gots carried away. Mibbes Him Next Door was volved coz it didn seem quite right. Ah'm sure that we dusnt have removable ceilins! There was sum restlin with snippy things, an ah fink ah heard a rood word. Beardy did. There was a lot of fuss bout makin it stand up strait, which I dusnt unnerstand. Mum says that its all bout bein merry. Well when TMTML is merry he dusn stand up strait! He dus a lot of leanin. So mibbes they shud think of that. It all wents quiet for a bit, then out came the tinsellystuffs. Oh it wasn good. Ah finks antleys are bad, poor Beardy looked like a GIRL! I is currentlee on the sofa, lookin all innocent, but tryin to work out how to gets a sparklee ball off the twee to play with it.
Decembers 10 Oh mah dog what a citin few days. There's bin lots an lots of boxes arrivin, an Mum an TMTML has been super secritive an have hidden em. An then Mum asked TMTML if sumfin haf arrived an he said no. But ah thought he'd forgotted the box that he gots when Mum was out. So I wents up stairs an I founds a box an brought it down to show Mum. It was HUGE! TMTML was shocked coz he didn think I'd manage it, but ah did! I dusn know why he took it off me before Mum got a good look at it... ah fink ah heard him call me a lummoxing hound. I dusn know why. An then, an then, I almost ated a ded birdy. As wasn hungry, but it looked nummy. Mum pulled me away an said no. Ah dusnt fink that was fair either.
Decembers 06 Okays posse, me an Beardy an Mum needs your helps an advises. TMTML was on the wobbly joos an came home like super late an past his bedtimes. It woked me an Beardy up! An then, AN THEN, he woked Mum up an coz the wobbly leg joos makes him snore likes a pug,an sleeps all stretched out, MUM ENDED UP ON THE SOFA! This is outrajus behaviours. Mum says he'll be super super sorry when he wakes up, an be super nice to all of us, but I is outrajed. What can we do to him to show him how silly he's been?
Decembers 03. Well is that time of year again posse. We has gots to put up with the silly antics of our hoomans, dressin us up like lelves, an raindeers an schanta paws. But to makes it better me an Beardy are sendin out cwistmassy cards all pawtograffed for our posse friends. It's gonna be mazin. An this year I WILL avoid the tinselly monsterer.
November 19. I IS BACK POSSE! I has been super poorly, but I'm much betterer now. So much so that me an Beardy wents to the place they give out ribbonythings. I wents in the class with other cavaliers an my Aunty Sue who I lived with before I came to Mummy. An I gots a blue ribbonything! Mum was super pleased. Beardy had to wait AGES for his class, but when he wents in he also got a blue ribbonything! We saw lots an lots of our friends. An now we're schnuggled up on the sofa coz we're all so sleepy. Ah finks Mummy is even more tireder than me coz That Man That Mum Likes came home super super super early in the mornin after bein on the wobbly leg joos, an poor Mummy ended up sleepin on the sofa! Ah finks he's got a lot of makin ups to do!
Okytober 23 I is wearing my grumpy pants tonight. Mum has done intents esaminashun of mah ears an tail coz she says I am scruffy mutt. Was almost as piffle as a bath. An I bets I'll gey one of them tomorrow. Friday is ALWAYS bath day an it's PIFFLE. I dusnt know how Beardy stands it. Ah fink I'll wear my grumpy pants all night now.
Okytober 22. Well oh mah dog what a week. Me an Beardy have been on our holidogs to Her Next Door's while Mum an That Man That Mum Likes went off on their holidogs to Turkees. Me an Beardy had SO much fun. He did lots an lots an lots of shoutin at them pesky builders, and Her Over The Fence. I was trepid hunter esplorer an chased so many tweety birds. We had loads of nummy treats an a super comfee bed. Ah fink Her Next Door likes havin us to stay. We hads to stay in the kitchin one day when she hads to go see That Small Person an The Loud One That Comes Too, only it got cold, so we gots open the door to the room Him Next Door works in, an dragged the bed in by the warmy thing with the clothes on. I even brought Mr Squeaky an Mr Giraffey coz I didn want them to get cold. It was lovlee an warm. Then oh mah dog MUM AN THAT MAN THAT MUM LIKES CAME HOME!! Oh I was super esited. Beardy didn know what to do, so he wiggled an jumped an sang an climbed an cried, an Mum gave him big hugs and laffed. I gave That Man That Mum Likes a huge RoHug an then climbed all over Mum. It was super mazin. Now we is at home, an Beardy an me is sittin on Mum so she cant go way agen!
Toosday 30 Septyember. Oh mah dog!! Sumfin esitin has happened now. Her Next Door has a trial doggie!! An it's our SUPER Big Beardy Friend. He was livin with That Big One Mum Loves, Kaegendog, but he's come to stay with Her an Him Next Door! I dusnt no why he's a trial doggie, ah finks he's real enuf. He sat on me an was heavy so ah fink he's definitely real. An an an he's STAYIN HERE WITH ME AN BEARDY FOR A WEEK! Oh it's mazin an I loves it. It's so esitin to has him here. Oh there's so many beards here. I feels more like a schnauzie than EVER!
Thursday 25 Septyember. Oh mah dog. I hasn't been on the faceybookie typeymachine for aaaaaaages! It's coz there's been oh so much goin on lately. Mummy has been away on lots of courses an parently they dusnt allow doggies in the hotels she's been stayin in. That's piffle. But me an Beardy has been stayin with Her Next Door, an shoutin an the workie men on the roof.
That Man That Mum Likes is here lots, an it's mazin coz I gets so much fection an I can climb ALL over him. I has been a little bit poorly with my head agen, but Mummy an Beardy are super good at lookin after me. Mummy is home schnugglin on the aofa today coz she is not so good either.
Oh mah dog there's a leaf on the path an I HAS to shout at it. It's movin!!!
Wedsday 3 Septyember. Well there's been so much citin stuffs goin on. Mum am Beardy an Me went for One Of Those Things That We Like, an it was super fun. Although I dusnt know why she dusnt just call them walks...we knows that word!
We gets super esited about it. We did some sniffins an esplorin an mets our Little Yappy Friend. Then we gots home an I was gonna do some snoozin (coz esplorin is super tirin) but Mum grabbed me an Beardy an WASHED OUR FEETS IN THE SINK!! So now I smells all girly an clean. Was piffle. I texted That Man Mum Likes an he says he's gonna make Mum say sorry an give us nice things.
Toosday 2 Septyember. Oh. Mah. Dogs. What a citin few weeks it's been. Firsts I gots to apologise for bein so quiet. I's done lots an lots of citin stuff since movin to our new house. I hads to make sure Him Next Door, That Man Mum Likes and The Other One That Helped put all the stuff in the right place. An that was eshaustin. Beardy was no good, he just shouted at people an knocked stuff over. I was super good an did directin.
Then That Man Mum Likes stayed for AGES! It was mazin an I liked it. I did lots of esplorin, an we gots so many new smells an walkins. There's lots an lots of doggies ro be pals with now. But I'm too busy esplorin at the moment.
There's lots of tweetybirds to shout at. An we gots big steps to go up an down to do wees. Is super hard work to do this in the mornin, but Beardy runs up an down them quickquick.
I was naughty bad last night, an I went esplorin by myself. I went sneakin out of the door an had a run round. Mum was super cross an Beardy told me off. But am trepid esplorer an I gots to go esplorin!
I'll be back lots now, an I can tell you pups all my mazin ventures!
Friday 15 August. Oh mah god it's been so busy an citin lately. We is gettin all ready to move to mah new house, an me an Beardy has been playin with the boxes!
An mum is home lots an lots too. We wents to the beachyplace, an I had lots of cuddles with That Loud One That Comes Too. I likes her, but she's still super loud. Beardy went an got more ribbonythings on Wedsday. He got a super big one, an Mum was very silly an was more cited than Beardy. I stayed at home with Her Next Door an had HAM. Is worth it. I likes ham, even more than chikin.
I was doin lots of shoutin this mornin coz I was bein FOLLOWED. In mah own kitchen!! There was a black cavalier on the floor, an when I moved IT MOVED TOO. Oh mah gods I was brave an trepid an I shouted at it for ages. It isn't like the one in the window, it didn shout back. Ah fink ah won.
Toosday 5 August. There's bin mazin developments! Mum is home like super early every day! Means we gets lots of cuddles and 'ffection. I doesn't know why she's home so super early, but i reckons if I sits on her lap then she wont go out agen. Beardy was so pleased to see her that he felles over. Oh mah dogs I laughed. Am snuggly warm an tired now from all the citement, so am gonna do some sleepin ah fink.
Sunday 3 August. Oh mah god it's been citin this weekyend. Yestyday I was in the ring agen! That Man That Mum Likes came in with me an I hads to show him what to do. AN WE GOTS A RIBBONYTHING! Mum was super pleased. I was going to go back in an so was Beardy, but I had a poorly head from all the noise an citement, so Mum took us home. Poor Beardy didn even get a chance. But I had kisses ALL night.
Today was the most mazin day EVER. Me, Beardy, Mum, TMTML, That Small Person, The Loud One That Comes Too an Her an Him Next Door all went to the beachyplace! I went paddlin in the river an everythin. Beardy an Mum went in the funny tastin wetstuffs that chases you. He's super brave. Then he got all wrapped in a towel to gets warm. We had apple an I was trepid esplorer of beachyplaces an trepid hunter of seagulls. Im super tired now, so me an Beardy are gonna do some sleepin.
Friday 1 August. Oh it has been super tirin since the weekyend. That Small Person has lots of energies, and LOTS of cake. I did some super sneaky sneakin an I gots ICE CREAM! It's mazin coz he's so close to the ground. It was yummy.
We even had teatimes cooked on the outdoor hotstuff, an Mum gaves me a sausage. I likes sausages. Beardy got one too. An parently there's gonna be a trip this weekyend an I'm super cited. Me, Beardy, Mum an That Man Mum Likes are goin somewhere. I can't wait. Am gonna be trepid hunter/esplorer.
Satday 26 July. OH MAH GOD WHAT A CITIN DAY!!! We went to the Ribbonyplace an Beardy's SISTER was there! She's like a little Beardy. And they both got red ribbonythings! An theb, they went an got even BIGGER ribbonythings. They must have done super well coz there was lots of clappin. I was super proud, coz he's my Beardy. Then, oh mah god then, I WENT IN THE RING WITH MUM!!!! An I gots to do what Beardy does.... an firstest I gots a yellow ribbonything, then I dids some more stuffs, an I gots a RED ONE!! Oh mah god I is as good as Beardy now! But the bath in the wetstuffs was still uncalled for an piffle.
Oh it was super mazin an citin fun. I can't waits to do it agen. Is very tirin tho. Me an Beardy are gonna celebrate with chikin. Hurray for me an Beardy.
Wedsday 21 July. Oh mah dog what a citin day. Firsts there was rumbly stuffs an we gots a schnuggle in bed with Mum. Was mazin and comfy. Thwn Mum saids we had to go do wees.. IN THE WETSTUFFS! I went quick quick, Beardy didn go at all. He dusnt like wetstuffs fron the sky. Silly Beardy coz he likes wetsuffs indoors. Then we hads to go in the pen coz Mum an That Man That Mum Likes had to goes shoppin. I gots bored an scaped so I could be trepid esplorer. Only everythin was blocked off. Mebbe Mum knew I was gonna scape. She called me Houndini. I doesnt fink this is a friendly name. But better than lummoxing hound ah fink. Then Mum says I gots 100 friends on faciebookie. Oh mah dog I is mazed. Am lucky doggie to has lots of friends an the Schnauzie posse. I loves them all. An now there's no wetstuffs, an I gots Mum an Beardy an there's some talk of chikin. I likes chikin. Is super mazin day.
Satday 18 July. I has been super quiet lately, but that's coz I've been doin trepid hunter-sploer stuffs. Her Next Door has been around, an she's fun for treats an apple when I've been good. So I hads to be sneaky splorer so she wouldn't see. That Small Person and The Loud One That Comes Too are comin back parently. I has been off esplorin for somewhere to hid when they come, so I doesn't get poked in the eye, an so when I steals cake then I can go eat it! Mum has a suprise for Her Next Door an The Loud One That Comes Too, but I doesn't know what it is. Beardy doesn't either. Did some trepid hunter stuffs an almost caught anuther pidgin. I will gets one for me an Beardy like super soon. Ah fink it would be fun. Beardy fell over yesterday. He was runnin up the gardin an looked round, an didn see the planty things! Was so funny. I almoat felled over laughing at him. Mum did. Him Next Door gave me cuddles last week, I likes them. He said I was lovely hound. I is lovely hound.
Satday 12 July. Oh mah dog what a citin an tirin day. After all the bathin an cleenin, me an Beardy went off to That Place That Beardy Goes To. We saw lots of Beardy's friends an I gots lot of cuddles. Beardy went in the ring an gots a yellow ribbony thing! He was super good an did everythin that he was meant to so he gots treats. I gots plenty as well coz I was cheerin him on! I is trepid cheerin leader. I hads a long snooze then coz I was super tired, an me an Beardy had cuddles all the way home. I did some posin with Beardy then when we gots home. Gonna do some sleepin on the sofa with Mum and Beardy now.
Wedsday 9 July. Mum is poorly today, ah finks she needs more kisses and cuddles. We has had lots of schnuggles, an Beardy is keepin her warm and comfee while I is on the typeymachine. I doesn't like it when she's poorly bad. But me an Beardy is lookin after her. But she's back in worky tomorrow only I doesnt think that's fair, ah fink another day on the sofa with cuddles is the bestest medicin
Toosday 8 July. I is havin a super quiet day today. Mum is away in workie an me an Beardy are havin a day in the pen. Is totally not my fault that the tablecloth fell in the pen. An the cushin esploded. An the paper got ripped. Me an Beardy was just havin a play, an it was like it was rainin stuffs. Well it would be rude not to check them out in case they is dangerus.
Thursday 3 July. I is havin a super quiet day today. Mum is away in workie an me an Beardy are havin a day in the pen. Is totally not my fault that the tablecloth fell in the pen. An the cushin esploded. An the paper got ripped. Me an Beardy was just havin a play, an it was like it was rainin stuffs. Well it would be rude not to check them out in case they is dangerus.
Wedsday 2 July. I hads a tirin evenin. That Silly Cavalier in the window was back!! He was sneakin up on me an was gonna get me. But Beardy saw him an shouted. So I had to start defendin. I was super brave coz he kept rushin at me an shoutin, but I was shoutin back an tryin to scare him off! He follered me round the house, an I kept tryin to sneak up on him, but he's super quick at seein me. I pretended to gives up an went on the sofa for a quick snooze. AN HE PUSHED ME OFF! was outrageus. I woked up on the floor and he was in the tv starin at me. I wonders how he got in there. So I shouted agen an then me an Beardy went to bed to plot an plan. Well, I plotted, Beardy planned, an then I fell asleep. Was super tirin.
Toosday 1 July. It's been such a busy few days! Ah went esplorin all the way up the road, I was super trepid. Beardy shouted a lot when I was settin off, an told Mum I was goin. So she chased me. Parently even trepid esplorers need to tell Mum where they're goin. But there were tweety birds to chase, an I hasn't gots time to say I'm goin! Is too citin. Came home an destroyed the pesky cushin. It gots in my way. Told Beardy that it esploded an it wasn't me. He didn believe me. Mum didn either. Teatimes was betterer as I gots no tablets to take so they's not hidin in me foods.
Satday 28 June Message from Beardy. Ro is super poorly again with his head. So he's havin a rest from the typeymachine. He'll be okay soon though.
Message from Beardy (an Mum). , Ro has a malformation of the brain, a condition that is very rare, and only 1600 dogs in the world have it. (Beardy says he just has to be odd!) He's schizophrenic, and retreats into his own little world, spitting, snarling and growling at something only he can see or hear. He can't bear to have his head or ears stroked somedays, and he has headaches and increased pressure on the brain (Beardy wonders if he actually has a brain) it can't be cured, so we're just monitoring it as best we can.
He will have periodic breaks from writing his diary as the condition changes and fluctuates, but he will always make a return! Please keep checking back.
Thursday 26 June. Today was mazin. I gots to go outside an go esplorin with Beardy. There was a funny citin smell that I was followin, an it kept goin in circles. I chaseded it an ended up followin that pesky tail! It gets every
where. Oh mah god then I followed it right up to the fence am it STOPPED. I could smell it in the fieldy, but Mum was super mean an wouldn't let me go splorin in there. So I ran up an down shoutin. Beardy did some shoutin too, only he was shoutin at Him What Brings The Eggs. Her Next Door came to see what all the shoutins was about, an made me come away from the fence. Ah fink she wasn't happy. I was super tired, so I had a quick snooze an waited for Mum to do teatimes. I has been called lummoxing hound LOTS today, ah fink chewin PadintinBear made her super cross. But he looked tasty. Beardy was borin an wouldn't chew him. Mebbe that's why he's not lummoxing hound today.
Toosday 24 June. I is back! Beardy has been super good at lookin after me. An npw I'm back an betterer I can go esplorin again. I had a mazin day yestyday, Her Next Door has got a big puddle of wetstuffs in the garden, am her an Him Next Door an Mum keeps sittin in it an it's REALLY deep. But when they is in there they can't see what I'm doin! So I took Mr Giraffey for some esplorin, an I chased a tweety bird an almost caught it. I even managed to knock the planty things out of the way, I bet I gets extra points for them! Gonna do lots of trepid stuffs now I'm better.
Thursday 19 June. Message from Beardy: Ro is super poorly again, he's even been to see Uncle AJ in the vets. He's got colitis and is taking lots an lots of medicines. He'll be back really soon.
Wedsday 18 June. I has been super poorly this week an has been away from the typeymachine. Beardy has been lookin after me an he's mazin. Will have to do lots of trepid stuffs tomorrow insted.
Sunday 15 June. Beardy was MAZIN!! There were lots an lots of doggies, some were even bigger than That Big On That Mum Kisses, Kaegendog! I was super good mum says, an I made loafs of friends. Some of Beardy's friends were there too, they got beards too, but not as good as Beardy's. He beated them ALL an gots a red ribbonything. An he was the bestest in his group and then he got to go in the BIGGEST ring so he could get picked for the bestest in the show. The man picked ten doggies out, includin Beardy, then picked half of them again, an Beardy was in that too!! Then he picked the bestest two, only Beardy didn get it, but I still think he's the bestest EVER.
I doesn't know how he's not eshausted, coz I is! It was all the supportin an tail waggin I was doin, is very tirin!
Satday 14 June. Beardy had a bath in the wetstuffs last night. An he wasn't allowed out after, so he must be goin off to the place they give out ribbonythings with Mum. Am super cited coz I GET TO GO TOO! An I can cheer Beardy on. Is gonna be mazin. I hope he gets somethin. He is a lovely lookin Beardy when he's all clean. Still smells funny though. Gots my paws crossed for him.
Friday 13 June. Oh mah god it was a citin mornin. I went with Mum an Beardy to see Auntie Jo who lives with The Big One Mum Kisses, Kaegendog, an THREE more big ones!! We had some super fun playtimes. It was super funny coz Beardy went in all normal lookin, an came out balded at the front and at the back!! Mum says he's handsome hound, I laughed all the way home. Beardy an I had a friend come an play today. His name was Bobdog. He's white like Beardy, but he's old an deaf. He was fab fun though. It was super hot, do mum poured a bukkit of water over me an made me wear a wet towellything. I pretended to be grumpy, but I wasn't coz I gots to have a cape! It was mazin fun. I ran round an round an round an made myself dizzy. Beardy just stared at me, ah finks he wanted one too. But clearly you gots to be mazin an trepid to wear a cape. Only the trepidest hunter-splorers gets them. You can't do much huntin-splorin in them though, they does get in the way an trip you up. Beardy laughed at that.
Wedsday 11 June. Oh. Mah. God. Was such a citin evenin. Mum an Beardy was goin off on a venture WITHOUT ME. Only they wasn't, coz mum said I could come too. Ah finks they needed someone brave an trepid with them. So off we went in the wheely machine. An we gots to a place with LOTS of doggies! There were big ones an small ones an puppies. An I gots to play with one, she was super pretty an a Burnease Mountin Doggy. Mum says she'll be as big as The Big One That Mum Kisses, Kaegendog, when she's all growed up. Beardy was singin a lot, an he went round an round on the greenfloorstuffs till ah fink he was dizzy. But he gots lots of treats. Oh mah god THEN I DID IT!! I was super good mum says, an peoples gave me lots of strokins. I went on a table an Nuncle Bill looked at my teefs (they is super white) an I dids more walkin on the greenfloorstuffs. Then I gots treats an we came home. It was very tirin, but mazin fun an I gots to play with Beardy an his friends! Gonna do some sleepins now, an dream all about it.
Munday 9 June. Oh mah god what a day! It was mum's Woofdaybtoday, an me an Beardy tried to be good ALL day. Was okay for Beardy, he's always borin an good. Am too brave an trepid to be good all the time. We gave mum lots an lots of cuddles an kisses, an a card! She was super pleased. She had lots of presents too, but she was silly with them an ignored the bestest bit - doesn't she know that it's oh mah god fun to play with the paper?! That Small Person was about an I played with him till my head was poorly bad an I hads a lie down. He was almost trepid, an I lets him chase me. Beardy stole his biscuit! Was very brave coz it was in plain view of EVERYONE. An he got way with it.
Still got poorly head, so gonna go lie down now.
Satday 7 June. The Big One That Mum Kisses, Kaegendog, parently had a mazin day with Mum. She gots another pretty ribbony thing. She's very good at gettin them. Ah finks it's coz she's super pretty an big.
I had a mazin day with Beardy, it was rumbly an loud and flashy stuffs in the mornin an we gots to have a cuddle on Mum's bed. Is so comfy! I doesn't get scared when I is cuddlin Mum. But I had to do some shoutin at the rumbly stuffs. Spent all day playin with That Small Person, an I tried to give him RoHug, an he fell over. It was funny. Beardy did lots of shoutin, an I did some trepid huntin of tweety birds. Very tired now, is eshaustin bein trepid all day.
Friday 6 June Yestyday was brilliant. I played with Beardy an That Small Person ALL day. We did some shoutin an then The Loud One That Comes Too took me an Beardy walkin with That Small Person, Her Next Door an The Even Smaller One. She couldn't believe how mazin an trepidly strong I was coz I wanted to go faster. That Small Person has cakes an oh mah god I love cakes! He's nose height for trepid cake hunters. An I bet I could be one of those. Am very trepid. Hehe is so easy to be trepid cake hunter. That Small Person keeps doin a Beardy an gettin distracted an I sneaks up all quiet an sneaky an eats it. Beardy isn't sure what to do with him, he keeps tryin to shout an roundin him up. Ah finks it's super important to know where That Small Person is at all times. Then I knows where the cakes is too.
Wedsday 4 June. Oh mah gods what a citin day. We've got That Small Person stayin with Her Next Door an The Loud One That Comes Too. They is from Mum's family an come from EVER so far way. I doesn't know what to make of him, ah fink he's funny lookin. He poked me in the eye last time an I tried to run away. Beardy isn't so keen on The Loud One That Comes Too, an he shouts at her. There's a Really Small One with them this time, is like a funny baldy puppy that cries a lot. Don't know how long they is stayin, but there's lots of food on the floor from That Small Person. I likes it.
Sunday 1 June. Is a special day for a HUGE friend if mine. That Big One That Mum Kisses, Kaegendog, is 2 today! She's almost as old as Beardy. She's prettier than Beardy and I likes her. I'd even let her chew Mr Giraffe. She is super pretty with those long eyebrows an she's got super long legs!
I has been very quiet on tha typey machiney this weekyend coz I've been poorly bad for a day or two. Gots Beardy to look after me tho, an he's a mazin Schnoctor. Been shoutin at stuffs with him tonight, I is feelin better now I've done some shoutin.
Thursday 21 May. Oh it's been so tirin lately. Him Next Door has a new outdoor noise, an I've been chasin it lots. It's got secret powers though, IT TURNED MAH FEETS GREEN! Now I is multicoloured Cavalier. Beardy was borin an didn chase it, he was too busy with the war with the indoor noise. He's done a lot of winnin with it lately. He's gettin super brave now.
Mum is doin lots an lots of goin off with Her Next Door to look at stuffs. An then comin back with pieces of paper that aczidentally gets eated. Or shredded. But I doesn't know how.
Toosday 19 May. I was real trepid hunter today. I almost caughts me an Beardy a pet. There was a big fat pigin birdy on the patio an I did some sneaky sneakin till I was like super close. Then it saw me an it waddled off and flew away. I reckon we could have caught it if Beardy had helped. Would have been mazin to have a pet pigin. Mum didn seem too happy, sumfin abouts not needing more poo. Is not gonna stop me though, ah finks that me an Beardy need a pet. All our friends on the typeymachine seem to think so. Is funny though, coz their hoomans all greed with Mum. Mebbe they'd change their minds if we ALL had pet pigins.
Munday 18 May. I is startin a new adventure today. I is gon LIVE on the typeymachine. I has got my own facebookie page now, because I am super authory doggie. I is so cited by my new page that I can't do proper sleepins. But that's okay coz I gots mum to get up an let me outside for wees, an now I wants to play with Beardy. He's borin an is snorin. Don't know why mum is grumpy, she doesn't want a RoHug, and I think bein called a Great Lummoxing Hound might not be a good thing. Oh well, if I is tired later I can go sleepin on Her Next Door. Gonna go chew stuffs an try to make mum smile.
Weekyend 17 May. Today was MAZIN! Went for long walk by the canal with boats on. So much to sniff an shout at. Saw lots of people on pedally machines. Parently they're not for chasin, I did try. Got to wear my Lellow cape, lots of people said I was lovely. Am lovely trepid hunter. Beardy gots lots of 'ttention too, don't know why. People keep sayin it's coz he's white. Well of course he's white. He wouldn't be Beardy if he wasn't. Silly people. Oh mah god there's a dog on a boat on the roof!! I wanna do that! Maybe I can ride on the wheely machine. That would be trepid. Oh mah god I'm sleepy tired. I walked a long way today, an is tirin walkin an sniffin AN bein trepid. Think I'll have a snooze an be trepid when it's cooler.
Fryday 16 May. Today was piffle too. Her Next Door wasn't next door, so I got left with Beardy all day again. Beardy is too borin an well behaved in the pen, he does a lot of sleepin and chewing. An not citin chewin, he just eats Mr Giraffe or Turkey Face. Or he cuddles Squeaky. I'm not allowed to chew Squeaky coz Beardy loves him so much. I wanted to chew Mr Giraffe today, so I stealeded him. Beardy chased me round the pen an I was winnin till I ran into the wall. I think Beardy moved it so I'd hit it. Decided to chase that pesky tail instead, an I almost caught it, but when I changed direction to trick it, it changed direction to. How does it know what I'm thinkin? Maybe that Silly Cavalier in the window is controllin it. OH MAH GOD HOW DOES THAT SILLY CAVALIER IN THE WINDOW KNOW WHAT I'M THINKIN?! Gonna have to be brave an trepid an win, an maybe ask Beardy to help by shoutin at the White Thing. He's usually too busy shouting at Mrs Over The Wall That Beardy Shouts At, or Him What Brings The Eggs.
Oh mah god it's teatimes. Got Wabbit today, an I loves Wabbit. Gonna eat Beardy's too.